“Can a woman forget her nursing child, or show no compassion for the child of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you.”[i] Working as a nurse practitioner and in pastoral care, I have had the privilege of attending to the needs of families who have lost a child, including tragic accidents, stillbirths, and miscarriages. In the midst of such tragedy and loss, human words fail. But God takes notice. Even when the loss of a life is very early, this is often difficult for families. Often, families do not know how to grieve this loss or how to find support to help them. The reason for this article is a reminder that God takes notice of these little ones and that there are many ways that the Church can help.
Acknowledge the true loss and dignity of the child
Miscarriage and other forms of pregnancy loss are extremely common. An estimated 1 in 4 couples will experience a miscarriage.[ii] Many times, particularly if the couple is young, they will receive comments such as, “Well, it was not meant to be” or “You can always try again.” There is a certain lack of sensitivity in these kinds of comments, but they also miss the reality that there was the loss of a life, one of the children of this couple, unique and irreplaceable. The dignity of a child does not depend on its parents. Planned or unplanned, wanted or not, the child has a dignity and worth of its own. A baby is not merely the product of its parents, nor is he or she only conceived simply by the will of the couple. The foundation of human life is that each child is made in the image and likeness of God. [iii]
The “soul is created immediately by God”
The Church teaches that every spiritual soul is created immediately by God — it is not ‘produced’ by the parents — and also that it is immortal: it does not perish when it separates from the body at death, and it will be reunited with the body at the final Resurrection.[iv]
It is a Spiritual Work of Mercy to pray for the living in the dead, and it is a Corporal Work of Mercy to bury the dead. These acts of mercy are closely tied both to the care of families who have lost children and to the children themselves. Because each person is created in the image and likeness of God, unique and unrepeatable, the body of the deceased child should be treated with dignity and respect. We do so by thanking God for the gift of the child, also those children who die in infancy, with a Christian burial.
Entrusted to the Mercy of God
Part of the difficulty is how to grieve the loss of such a child. In her funeral rites, the Catholic Church allows for a funeral, commendation, and committal of a child that dies before baptism. This is possible for those who have experienced the loss of a stillborn child, that is, a child who dies in utero after 20 weeks gestation, or in the case of miscarriage. Many dioceses have resources and guidance available online regarding funerals and other rites in the Order of Christian Funerals, including burial of the remains of the deceased child. This is a powerful experience for families who have experienced the death of a child before birth. Even when a family does not have the remains of the child for burial, there are provisions that can be made for a funeral, and naming and commendation, and memorial services. Some dioceses even have Masses of remembrance annually for unborn children lost through stillbirth, miscarriage, and abortion.
Prayer of Commendation
You are the author and sustainer of our lives, O God,
you are our final home.
We commend to you N., our child.
Trusting in your mercy
and in your all-embracing love,
we pray that you give him/her happiness for ever.
Turn also to us who have suffered this loss.
Strengthen the bonds of this family and our community.
Confirm us in faith, in hope, and in love,
so that we may bear your peace to one another
and one day stand together with all the saints
who praise you for your saving help.
We ask this in the name of your Son,
Jesus Christ, our Lord.
R. Amen.[v]
Local resources:
Dioceses of Saginaw:
https://saginaw.org/miscarriagestill-birth
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Works Cited:
Image Credit:
Photo by John Looy on Unsplash
[i] Isaiah 49:15 NRSVCE
[ii] Devall, A. J., Papadopoulou, A., Podesek, M., Haas, D. M., Price, M. J., Coomarasamy, A., & Gallos, I. D. (2021). Progestogens for preventing miscarriage: a network meta-analysis. The Cochrane database of systematic reviews, 4(4), CD013792. https://doi.org/10.1002/14651858.CD013792.pub2
[iii] Catholiccrossreference.online. (n.d.-a). II. “BODY AND SOUL BUT TRULY ONE”: paprgraph 363(4). Search the Catechism. https://www.catholiccrossreference.online/catechism/#!/search/366-368,%20382
[iv] Catholiccrossreference.online. (n.d.-a). II. “BODY AND SOUL BUT TRULY ONE”: paprgraph 366. Search the Catechism. https://www.catholiccrossreference.online/catechism/#!/search/366-368,%20382 Cf. Pius XII, Humani Generis: DS 3896; Paul VI, CPG § 8; Lateran Council V (1513): DS 1440.
[v] Rite of Committal with Final Commendation for a Child: Prayer of Commendation: B 334.B A child who died before baptism. iBreviary. (n.d.-b). https://ibreviary.com/m2/preghiere.php?tipo=Rito&id=561
